I've passed through this mental state so I can understand that. I had told you that cutting makes everything even worse... What I guess is, you are an intelligent girl who has made great achievements. And you want to achieve too much in life but when circumstances get tough on you, you get so dishearten that you see no point in living, assuming that you can never make a difference. You CAN make a difference. I see great potential in you. But the fact is, nobody else can make you realize your worth unless you won't realize it by yourself. Just give one more chance to life from heart. Believe that you are good and you deserve good, you'll see the difference by yourself. Stay safe!