It kind of seems like you are giving control to t in this letter. You are giving her choice the final say by giving an ultimatum. It really seems to limit your options. I can hear how frustrating this interaction has been for you. I can't help thinking that in someway you are reinacting the power struggle you've told us about with your mom. It is very close to your core. Maybe the longing to feel safe putting your trust back in t is too. I don't think there is an easy solution. Sometimes when things get like this my t just starts with asking me how I'm feeling thru all this and getting down to simple feelings sometimes helps. I love to feel that t is on my side but it doesn't always seem that way.

I really agree with what Stopdog said above.