Stopdog you are made of sterner stuff than me - I couldn't bear not to try and find some resolution, the thought of not making that appointment makes my hair stand on end even more than the thought of T quitting on me . But I can see what you mean and how it could be a good tactic. Thanks

NL you put a good spin on things I must say, you have a very positive way of looking at what to me are excruciatingly painful and exceptionally frustrating situations - perhaps if I read your posts often enough your positive perspective will start to permeate my own brain. Thank you again

JD thank you for your comments - and also for suggesting another positive perspective on my T's comments and attitude. I do also agree with you about the whole emailing thing with Ts, it's not something I would ever have chosen to do, but T was pretty insistent that if I came away from a session feeling bad about it, to let her know via email so she can be prepared to discuss it next session. I am beginning to think that NO out of session contact is after all the best policy. Mind you, in my less overwhelmed moments today I was thinking that this is all good stuff to come out, triggers and enactments and what have you that I might not normally have seen had the whole email exchange not triggered it. Grist to the mill as they say . Thank you

Feral thank you so much for coming back and explaining your comments. Yes that makes sense, and I'm sure I can apply it to my situation with T - there's just this small issue of zero confidence and trust in T at the moment. I think I need to see her to talk this over because right now she's Lucifer's right hand man in my head .

That whole thing with taking the risk with expressing/feeling the feelings in session - that's what a lot of my issues with T are about - my prime surface feeling that is in constant awareness is anger (and infinite variations thereof) and I've had a very hard time in my therapy career trying to find Ts who are able to accept anger directed at them. It's not just my fear of me being overwhelmed by my feelings, it's that they are incredibly threatening from the point of view of being retaliated against by others... maybe that's what this is all about now, I just wish that T realized this and didn't take it all so personally... thank you to you too