Just a quick update before I disappear for the evening - I've sat on my hands all day, haven't even looked again at my angry reply back to T. It's helped hugely to have you guys to talk to about this, just getting others' views on it has helped me stand back and push myself to see it differently, which has let me not act immediately on my feelings. Thank you everyone for that.

On the other hand - I still feel just as angry and betrayed and alienated and threatened as I did last night and I think I'm just glossing over those feelings by distracting myself here (to a point). Part of me thinks that it would A Good Idea to send my ****** email anyway, from the point of view of, if she can handle it and responds well to it (in session) then the therapy is potentially on its way to being a success. If however she responds in a negating and subtlely critical or blaming way to it, as far as I'm concerned that's the therapy finished.

Is it better to know that now and not get any further tangled up with this T, or is it better for me to play goodie goodie and be all reasonable about discussing this with her on Thursday so as to allay her doubts about helping me... If I do nothing for long enough, Thursday will be here soon enough anyway. I just find it increases the odds against getting a good response to ambush a T with unanticipated anger - if she's forewarned she can compose herself and not be taken unawares and end up revealing spontaneous feelings that could blow the whole thing out of the water anyway .

I feel stuck and trapped and cornered and very unhappy