I think the pain my depression is covering up is a true realization that my family is not really a family. That there is no desire to want to be around each other, that we don't have a bond and that we live for ourselves and don't regard each other with any respect at all. It's stems also from a realization that if we can't count on family we can't count on anyone. That we only have ourselves and no one else and that is such a lonely feeling.

The anxiety covers up my need for a whole family and the panic covers up my desperation for some normalcy and love , unconditional love, in my life.

That was a good question Preciousthing.