Jimi: While I fully agree with you on people coming to you IF they have a problem with YOU, I must say that often a person will go to somebody else because they feel THEY have a problem not understanding how to better work with a person with a certain personality trait or habit. THEY know that YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. They are having a problem learning to work with something and do not want to hurt YOUR feelings, because YOU ARE NOT THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM.

So people who often go to others to seek solutions, are perceived to be whining about the other, when they are just trying to resolve a problem without hurting you.

That has happened to me at work with a coworker. I understood why she was behaving as she did. She had experienced great losses recently in her life and her behaviour was normal for a person in the grieving process. I sought out advice through another coworker, thinking it would be a private conversation, and it went back to the other girl as me being irritated with her and I wasn't. I was simply trying to learn better communication skills when I saw some of my own lacking.