Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2.0
I don't blame your T-- maybe I really should-- but your description of her really reminds me of this whole situation. So many smart people who had known each other for so long and worked together so well were just-- bamboozled-- by this pathological liar. Their relationships were unraveled in short order and they just could not figure out what the real problem is.
I think your T has been caught up in this. I don't think it's his fault, if she's as good as I think she is. But that doesn't erase how he has cared for you and how he has loved you for all these years. Nothing that has come before this means anything different than it did before he terminated you.
I'm sorry for your pain. I think to whatever extent you can let things go gracefully rather than catch yourself up in symbolic moves against your T, the better off you might be. IMO only.
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This story helped. This feels like IT, exactly.
I know that this will probably be seen as a horrible idea, but I've asked T for one more session. We had our last "closure" session, and then three days later I received an e-mail from the other client with all of the "evidence" in it...right after I was never going to see T again and had no real way to defend myself. That's why I sent him the letter later that week.
When we had our "closure" session, I really felt okay-ish. Not good, but I was able to take away some good things. Then AFTER that a whole pile of new drama started and it just feels really uncomfortable having that hanging around after everything was supposedly "over".
I just want to SEE him and see it was okay to fight back by writing the letter (he told me to fight back) and see if the caring is still the same. I want REAL closure. Not closure followed by a ton of drama. That sucked.
I was completely blindsided by the e-mail full of accusations after my last session. It doesn't feel fair. I honestly want to sneak and see him - park behind the building, go in through a different door, etc - so she can't drive by and see that I'm there. I'm afraid if she knows we're in contact, she'll reappear.
I know I am probably fooling myself, thinking that I can reach a real point where the closure feels good, and right, and complete. But then again, maybe I could at least get a little closer.
I e-mailed T to ask if the things he left for me in the last message he left for me are still true. That he will carry me with him, that we did good work, that he is fond of me and loves me. I want them to be true.
And, honestly, if they're NOT true, I want to know that too. If he changed his mind, if he isn't so fond of me after all, whatever. It will hurt, but at least I will know how to feel. I know from all of this that I can survive some pretty HUGE hurt.
I had to guess what other people were feeling my ENTIRE life, and I don't want to guess now. I want to know, good or bad.
My wish is that his feelings haven't changed, that he will let me come in for a final session, that I will be able to *know* he really heard my side of the story. Maybe that he will apologize.
I know it's stupid. I know time will make it better either way - if I see him or if I don't. But I hope I can have this one thing.