Thats a beautiful self realization Onwards

> Whatever it is, it feels fragile and unsteady and I want it to continue.

I dont know if you meditate but something like this I would sit with for awhile, repeating it to myself, correcting any little indescrepencies if there are any. I would try to take it in whole, breathing it in for all its healing goodness, expelling the pains of the past with each exhale. I might try to find a short form I could recall during those times when it begins to feel shaky again. I would repeat it several days until it became absorbed. Wonderful self work!