I've always had this shadow of suicide on the back of my mind ever since I was 11 or 12, I'm 25 now and these last few days for whatever reason I can't stop thinking about it. The only reason I'm able to say this is because no one here knows me and I'm invisible.

I've never been to a doctor or therapist and I've never been on any kind of medication, I know that I've always wanted help but it's impossible for me to ask for it because I'm too embarrassed and scared.
No one knows how I really feel because I've created this fake person that everyone thinks is me.

I've read through alot of stories on here and it's helped knowing that I'm not alone but at the same time It's made me more angry at myself knowing that other people can ask for help and I can't.
I'm not sure why I'm typing this because I don't think anyone here can help me, I just needed to get this out for the first time even if it's just a message board.
I'll try to check back here in a couple of days if I'm not too embarrassed after clicking the "Submit New Thread" button lol