hon i don't even know. sometimes i read all the troubles everyone struggles with here and it is horrible. i have a husband who loves me to death,he is my best friend. i am not saying before him my sons farther was very abusive but i was able to get away. i don't have the money problems that i read others have. my son is amazing in my eyes, i am so proud of how he is growing into such an amazing person despite me. i own my house and i am surrounded by all this good. but i cant take any of it in ,i cant seem to feel any of this. i cant trust any of it, either i am always terrified of everything or completely numb to it all and like i am completely isolated from my life.i know kind of strange. i know it is totally selfish of me to be this way and i am really trying to not be and trust the good things in life. that would be the life i dream. is to be able to feel and trust the good things in my life. god i sound disgusting. I'm sorry