Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
my prime surface feeling that is in constant awareness is anger (and infinite variations thereof) and I've had a very hard time in my therapy career trying to find Ts who are able to accept anger directed at them.
I think this is telling. I guess the question is: why are you so angry? Is it about T or the past? If it's about the past, why is it important to unleash anger at your T?
The walking on eggshells comment makes more sense to me now. I grew up with a Father who was generally a pretty placid sort of man. But my childhood was filled with family stories about the legendary violent temper of my grandfather, and how my Father made a decision to not give in to that kind of anger himself. While that sounds admirable, its effect was to terrify me: that at any moment, such violence could erupt. It always lurked just under the surface, and never knowing what might be the trigger, I walked on eggshells all the time.
It's extremely tiring and destabilizing to be under such pressure. It wouldn't surprise me if that were a bit what your T is feeling.
The other thing is that such below the surface anger is very controlling and crazy-making because on the surface, there appears to be nothing wrong. Especially when combined with "blind trust" which is really not benign at all: it is a form of idealizing that allows for no margin for error, and so is very unforgiving.
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Feral I’m not sure how to respond to this latest post of yours – my first reaction was ‘ouch’ and having left it for a day my reaction is still ‘ouch’. I don’t feel at all supported or understood by you here and in fact feel attacked and criticized
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Um I have to ask where did ‘blind trust’ come from? I believe I spoke of having faith in my T’s competence and abilities as a professional, in the same way I would have to assume faith in the first instance in the capabilities of a doctor, dentist, solicitor - this does not seem to me to be the same as the ‘blind trust’ you are talking about – I therefore resent your categorical statement of apparent fact that my ‘blind trust’ is not at all benign (I don’t get the connection here anyway between benevolence and trust) and that I am ‘idealizing’ and that such apparent idealization is ‘unforgiving’ – a combination of words I’m not sure I understand either. I thought I was very clear that I neither trust nor idealize
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I also am surprised at your comments about my anger – again I thought I was being very clear that that IS the thing I constantly bring to therapy to be worked through – it’s not hidden or underground or passing itself off as something else, so I don’t understand your allusions to crazy making and controlling. I am very up front and honest about my anger in therapy (insofar as it’s safe to be so of course). So my T’s comment about walking on eggshells is actually on many levels undermining blaming and controlling. Whether she actually feels as you did when you had to walk on eggshells around your father is an entirely moot point because I believe that I am not and never should be held responsible for her feelings, and unless her self disclosure about her feelings serves some useful therapeutic purpose, it’s just making me responsible in a way that is most decidedly untherapeutic.