You dont need to feel bad posting here FERFA but I understand the feeling. I just want to encourage you to stay on the getting healthy track. If you want to, you can look at all these horribly uncomfortable feelings as part of the transition youre going thru. Yes, its uncomfortable, for now. But that feeling will fade as you continue to make the positive steps and complete your turn towards doing better things for yourself.

BTW: Its your birthday, hope you can find something healthy to do to celebrate.Right now it may not seem like a cause to celebrate but give yourself a break a little if you can. Feel sad for what isnt, but gather strength for what can be.