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I'm probably not in the best place to be saying anything right now because I'm not in the best of places myself, but I do understand where your at. You are incredibly open and straightforward about whats going on and thats a rare and beautiful gift. You have a talent for expressing your state of mind in writing. Keep reaching out and keep in touch.
There's a poem I love Titled The Desiderata; part of it is "....You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here. Whether or not it is clear to you no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should....."
That has always been a comforting thought when I'm troubled by the long dark of the night. I hope it might help you and anyone else here.
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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