ok so you are saying that you are upset with you because you know that you need her and by allowing yourself to get close to her that someday it will hurt when you leave her. So you wanted to end it now as a preemptive strike. Hopefully though by the time you are ready to wrap up therapy , you will find that you don't need her as much as you once did. That would make it hurt less, more of a bittersweet sting? I think many of us focus on what we will lose when therapy is over and it causes us to guard ourselves when it comes to being vulnerable in therapy and prevents us from healing. We should focus more on the now. I mean no one lives their life thinking about death all the time, or why would we do anything? Over thinking is a therapy hazard.