"FAITH IS the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things UNSEEN."

You are exhibiting more faith than many ppl right now.

I am a true Christian. I know where you are, I'm there too and have been for years. My T says that either depression or PTSD can cause the closeness to GOD feel non-existent. (My words.) I have both.

I can't attend services because I feel so hollow there, or I am so overwhelmed I sob unconsolably.

What I have decided is this: THIS IS faith! When we can't see where we are, where we are going, understand why, know what is happening..yet... we still hold to what we knew we believed.

GOD IS GOD. No one moved. (I hate, HATE that term, "if you don't feel close to God guess who moved?) I learned much about the nature of God. He IS. He was there when I wasn't looking for him. He was there when I didn't know Him. He was there when I needed Him. He is there now, though I can't sense Him.

Also what I realized: God is God and by being God HE understands not only what I am going through and where I am, but WHY I am here. He also knows what I need and how long I will be here.

If God wasn't God, then none of this matters. But since He is, He knows I am human (HE made me!) He knows I am trying. He knows I want different.

Now is the time to not worry about your spirituality. Do what you can. Read when you can. Pray if you can. Things are different. You might be different. But God is the same.

BTW one term, cliche I do agree with: Christians are the only army that shoots it's wounded. Sad but true usually. I guess they just don't know what it is to be tried? They just don't know what real faith is. It doesn't come by Sunday church carry in dinners and long choir rehearsals.