...taking TAO'S hand and leading her off the ledge...



You know you aren't thinking straight. When depression takes over our minds, we can't rely upon our own judgment. When depression takes over, we think in black and white, in either or statements and situations.

Going into the hospital isn't the worst that can happen. You losing your battle with death is,imo. Keep fighting!

Even if I were to try a new AD, I would probably have to go into hospital, because I have such severe reactions if I have one. Hospitals are there for crisis times, to give us a safe place to level off and make long term plans when the plans we have aren't working out.

Don't worry about a pattern. Even a pattern of several years is worth it ..once you are on the other side of them... and the hospitalizations kept you alive... wouldn't they be considered worth it? Sure.

You won't die if you have to try a new med...you won't die if you have to go to hospital for any reason of this genre... you might feel that bad, but dying is what you are fighting against... you want to live. You want to live just not this way. You need change! If meds or hospital can give you change, you should take it, imo.

This is a dark time in your life. ((((hugs)))) Take the candles others are handing you, to scare away the darkness.