you're welcome. I have sisters too and I never knew everything she did and we were closer then anything growing up. Sometimes she is a pain in the tush and sometimes she thinks Im a pain in the tush. But the one thing we both know is that we can't change eachother all we can do is change ourselves. When things irritate each other about each other we don't question whether or not what each other says is true and so on because that just ends up in a major battle between us. So intead we remember that we both had times when we were not right in the same room 100% of the time and had different experiences at times so our point of views are also going to be a bit different. So we accept what each other has to say as each others point of views. For example she was molested by some of the same abusers I was and I was raped my one of her molestors. but I wasn't in the room with her when she was being abused and she was not in the room when I was being abused so only the person (her or me not both because we were not in the room together) in the room with the abuser knows what happened. She did not know all those years I was being abused and I didn't know all those years she was being abused. It wasnt until I was an adult and was seeing my first therapist that her and I really talked about things and let each other know we had been abused.

One thing I also know about sisters is that the older one NEVER listens and takes advice from the younger ones, younger sisters are supposed to take advice and listen to the older ones, older siblings boss around the younger ones so you could have told your older sister don't do this and don't do that to your dying day and she would not have listened to you.

Yes you are right you need to take care of yourself so you know now you can't depend on sis for help and so on. That doesn't make her a bad person. just like being here at psych central people help others as they can but must put themselves first. Your sister is putting herself first just like everyone else experiencing problems regardless of if its theor own creation of problems. Which by the waay I am a believer that people dont create problems without an underlying real problem somewhere that needs to be taken care of. If the persons needs were being met and they had no real problems they would not be creating problems. iot just that people who create problems have learned they get the attention they need to take care of the real problems by creating more drastic faked problems. you said yourself 75% is her own doing so that means there is 25% of very real problems that your sister is trying to take care of - granted in a negative way by creating more problems but Your sister is doing what she needs to do for herself and now you need to take care of yourself.

Since your sister can't be a resource for you right now its time to look elsewhere for help and resourses - your other friends, therapy professionals and other agencies in your area that help take care of those problems.

As for having to listen to your sister it is ok to tell her right now you have your own problems to worry about and then walk away from her and on to the help that you need for you. Focusing on her negative behaviour doesn't do you anygood and theres nothing you can do to change her so try changing your focus off of and out of her negative behavior to the positive of 25% of her problems are real and she is doing what she thinks she has to and changing you to the positive of getting t he help you need in other ways since she cannot do that for you.

Hang in there.

Hang in there.