Having had to fight at times viciously to get my power hungry enmesher off of me, I know that they can be vicious and incessant. Some try to break you down by sheer repetition -- having the same rage reaction to the same situation over and over amen. Alternately they persist in trying new ways to manipulate you into complying. I know how horrible that is to on the receiving end of, and hate to see it happen to other people. If the other person says no, accept it and go on with the relationship. If the person cannot tolerate the 'no' response, then the person should leave and find someone who WANTS to be enmeshed. When a person persists, time after time, year after year, in attempting to browbeat the other person into compliance, in my opinion, they are clearly in the wrong for attempting to violate the other person's boundaries. I completely understand and agree that it is the person's, whose boundaries are being violated, right to decide for him or herself whether they want to continue the relationship, but I do not think that excuses the boundary violator's behavior and I see no point in telling the person that the behavior is acceptable.

Using you as an example, you have mentioned hurting yourself. I respect that you get to do whatever you wish, but I will never agree with you that this is okay. I care about you, so I will never support you in that, or tell you I think it's perfectly acceptable.

This is probably one of those things we will never agree on, and I'm fine with that. You are allowed to have your own opinion, just try to clarify mine (and that is for my own benefit as well because my intense reaction to this is something I should probably deal with).