I know there are people who have positive experiences with hypomania and mania, they feel creative and whatnot and it's good energy.

But that's not me. I've mostly dealt with depression and anxiety (although my anxiety is probably separate from the bipolar) with some hypomania only 1 or 2 "true" manic episodes but mostly, lookiing back, it's been mixed states that I've dealt with. Lots of anger, feelings of aggression, irritablity, panic attacks, depression, obsessive components and paranoia. Recently I've realized that for the period of 6 or 7 years when I thought of myself as "stable" I was really just getting by. Going into crying jags several times a month or losing something and becoming hysterical are just not stable. But I thought since my (old) pdoc only wanted to see me every 6 months and I could drag myself to work then it was okay.

Would I trade my bipolar disorder and anxiety for normal? In a heartbeat. There are times when I would have sold my soul to the devil for normal.

I don't have a college degree, I'm not working right now, I'll be 40 in a few months - I have no idea when I'll be in a position to work. I can't even think of my financial future without it starting me into a tail spin. I wish my life were different that I was creative in some way, that I had friends, that I had kids. In this life kids aren't happening (even though I kinda want them, it's just not going to happen).

That said there have been good things in my life and these last 2 years have been particularly good for me despite everything. But, I'd rather have normal.