he emailed back and gave the ok to send it. he also offered today, so I took it, fearing that I would lose my courage to talk. it was a very stressful session. he was receptive to what I had written tho. my anxiety was huge going in today, and with the traffic, I almost turned around a few times. by the time I got to his office, I was squirming and fast on my way to dissociating. I don't really remember all that we talked about, but we practiced some grounding. then he really got my anxiety and panic going with a safety plan... unfortunately (fortunately?) my instinct and learning about panic and fear has always frozen me, so we were forced to work through it there. it took a good 30 minutes, but I was able to figure out exactly what about his plan made me panic, and we were able to resolve it... i think i freaked him out at one point tho I didn't mean to...

another thought... he asked why I kept apologizing, and said i had nothing to apologize for. I know it's something I do often, but I'm wondering if I do it more because he's a male therapist... or has Dr. C just never pointed it out to me? I know I had done it a lot in the past, but I am not sure how often I have done it recently...