Yes. THIS. ^^ But I never told anyone about my bad thoughts until a few months ago, when I shared some of them with my pdoc, who did NOT run out of the room screaming as I'd half-expected. In fact, he told me he's heard much worse things than I could ever dream up.

I also didn't know until a few months ago that most (normal?) people have an Off switch in their brains. That they can shut down and not think about anything for a time, and when you ask them what they're thinking, they say "Nothing". Well, how the hell can anyone not be thinking of at least SOMETHING??! My mind never, ever shuts off---not even for a second---unless I'm asleep, and often not even then. Most of the time my thoughts race even when I'm not in a mood episode.....I didn't know there was any other way to be.