I drank the equivalent of 10-15 cups of coffee in the morning (basically saying I don't care if I get a heart attack) so I felt sevearly depressed, at the end of the day i tried to work out for the first time in two years, lasted 15 minutes to the point where I needed to throw up (not because of coffee.) I had given up all complete hope, was about to quit my job and maybe skip school tomorrow.. Then out of no where, I had something of what someone with bp would call 'slight mania'. Completely incredible as if I were drunk. I immediately took advantage of it by dancing, getting really exited, went for a walk with my iPod in -15 degree weather.

However, this is not some sort of recovery I would bet. Take a look at this paragraph on the effects of caffeine;

"If a person were injected with 500 milligrams of caffeine [less than the dosage in some 16-ounce brews], within about an hour he or she would exhibit symptoms of severe mental illness, among them hallucinations, paranoia, panic, mania, and depression. But the same amount of caffeine administered over the course of a day only produces the milder forms of insanity for which we take tranquilizers and antidepressants."

The reason that I feel that I should not get diagnosed is because I'm starting to accept who I am. whether it's teenage hormones or bipolar or even acute antisocial Behaviour, I would just rather not know at this point.. 3 years of fluctuating happy mood swings with mostly just sevear suicidal depression, and now I can't even sleep. (at this point the caffeine should have been long out of my system).

I'll wait until I'm older. If depression occurs I'm not sure maybe it'll change again but I'm ok with what it is now. Not quite sure actually.. Very confusing.. I have no desire to have friends. Although I did during that weird time of happiness today as if I were going to night clubs 2.5+ years ago. It's embarrassing and make me really think.. How different my life would be without depression..

I've heard that caffeine definitely causes mania in Bp. Any experiences?