I feel the same. For me it gets worse every day. The way I see it, though, is that nobody deserves anything. Everything is just the way it is. My therapist told me I didn't deserve to be depressed, then I pissed him off when I asked him, do you deserve your job and the money you're making? I don't think anybody deserves what they get, its just a series of events that leads up to that point, nobody is in control of it. But the way I see reality is very dark and hopeless, I think in order to be happy you have to believe in nonsense and illusions like consciousness and free will. You have to completely ignore all of the negative things. I don't know, man.