you might remember when i wrote about how i was doing masters in computers from one of the best university and then because of depressive episode i left it in middle... after 2-3 years now i am feeling little better but obviously manic..

so i am trying for MBA, got calls from 9 good institute and yesterday it was interview call from one of those institute... i prepared little bit, traveled hundreds of miles to that city,took room there(which wasn't cheap)... so next day i have interview my room is near to interview venue, i am reading bit of notes from my engineering,masters... currently i am manic after 3 years of depression and since its bipolar 2, i am not much manic but still overconfident.... and i am thinking why should i take admission in not so great university... university where i was doing my masters is one of the best and i got call from same university MBA dept too... so i am comparing all these colleges and i am thinking.... before depression i was so good,i have all handwritten notes there with me from my college years,i remembered every single exam,success i achieved and i am thinking why should i settle for less... my depression isn't over yet but i am sure next year i will be at my best... i am thinking how ambitious i was,my dreams and all ...

so at that night i decide out of these 9 colleges i will settle for only top 3...only those colleges i would have accepted if i had completed my masters... i should pretend these three bad years never happened and based on this take my decision... if i don't get it this year,next year will surely be great... but it will need bit luck to get into these top 3 colleges,they are really good.. so i decide to appear for current interview,experience interview improve myself for next one right.. so i closed my notebooks and went to sleep at 1 am..

i have interview at 8.30 am... but i couldn't sleep... every hour i am checking watch if its time... at 4 am i again woke up checked time... and suddenly i am thinking, i am not going to take admission in this college right... so why appear for interview, what if this interview which is my first in last 3 years and also first stressful thing in long time,what if it went bad,wont i be discouraged? i am currently sleepy at this time... suddenly i get excited, i think about top 3 calls i have and decide to try for only those,if i don't get in those then there will be surely great next year... so i turn off all alarms of my cell and ipod and went to sleep.........

i woke up at 9.00 am missed interview.... so current situation is like after 3 years i had chance for sure success and i didn't take it... perhaps i was just afraid to face interview... i was surely afraid how bad interview will affect my self esteem which at this stage very fragile,recovering from depression... i don't know... i wasn't gonna accept admission into this b-school but it was like i went in front of the institute gate for interview... but couldn't cross threshold and turned back.... i am not sure what to think,my next interview is at 11th march which is extremely important and i will be very happy if i succeed in it.... i have described what happened in detail... i don't regret my decision to skip interview but i was sleepy when i switched alarms off... so what do you think about this all incident... please tell me your opinions about this all... i am manic/overconfident now and not thinking straight so currently don't trust myself enough...