Yes exactly! Something my T and I talked about today. What helped me to survive and how it effects me today:

1. Think 5 steps ahead in an obsessive manor to try and prevent an experience of being yelled at, hit or rejected.

2. Being sexual is a scary place so it's 'all or nothing'. Most of the time it's nothing as it could lead to something. To hug or become intimate (cuddling) can lead to sex so it must be avoided.

3. Avoid the unfamiliar.

4. Look for external validation so you can feel successful. Whatever plans I come up with will possibly lead to me being hurt so I always second guess myself. Seek perfection.