((Hellion)),

What you have to "learn" is that it is not really about "acting" at all. It is more about finally "relaxing" into yourself instead of constantly having to get everyone to "understand you". Unfortunately Hellion, you didn't have that "presence" that "nurtured you" and gave you that "safety" all human beings need to thrive. This is not an unusual problem, alot of people are challenged with this in one way or another. All you have to do is sit back and really take time to "look at all the threads and "HELP I AM LOST" messages here at PC. People who struggle with PTSD are always looking for that "rescuer" and many of them also want "justice" as well. What that boils down to is that initial "lack of an appropriate nurturer". You are not the only one that has fallen through the cracks in "society" Hellion. I know it feels like that, but you are truely not alone. And that is why I feel that a live PTSD support group may help you, and you want it too and the reason for that is you "need to connect with others that feel challenged like you do". That is why PC works so well too, because it is a place where people can get together and actually meet others who also struggle and there is "support" here, along with "understanding and validations" that we typically don't get IRL. And there are people that volunteer to "monitor" this site in order for it to be as safe for members as possible.

Right now Hellion, you are mostly on the "defensive" and I can't blame you because you have a history where you were bullied alot and there was no one there to stand up for you. Actually, what would be nice is if you could "heal" and learn to "overcome" the anxiety of feeling like you are "going to be misunderstood and attacked somehow" and reach a level where you can become a voice for others like yourself, because believe me, there are lots of "victims" just like you out there. You are not ready to see that yet though, not until you get to a point where you realize that "yes" there are lots of people like your mother, brother, and mother's boyfriend that are so ignorant they don't see "you or anyone that struggles like you". There are countless children all over this country alone who climb on a school bus and face being bullied and isolated every single day. Hellion is not seeing herself as "part of" yet, she is like all the others alone, and unheard.