It sounds like you have had the best results so far with online. Online allows you to avoid the painful process of putting yourself out there in person.
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Then when I do go out somewhere, I internalize so much when I see a cute girl.. "omg what should I say... her co-worker or friend is next to her... she is wearing headphones and therefore not approachable... how do I disarm her shields she will put up... how do I get her number or give her mine.... how do I find out if she is single without asking directly...will she think I'm too old or a stalker.. "
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I wonder if women welcome being assessed solely on whether or not they are dating material for you, someone peaceful for you to come home to.
What if you concentrate first on meeting women without any dating intention? (e.g. through volunteering). Perhaps you will be more natural and relaxed if dating is not always on your mind. A woman who is not dating material for you is still a human being, still a potential friend, and...probably she knows other women.