Hi (((((precious things)))))

It was hard - really hard - for me to create a support system.

For me, it took a long time of learning to trust being supported by T before I would even dare to consider letting someone in the "real world" support me. I had lots of acquaintances, but I would never let anyone know if I was in pain or I needed help - when my dad died after being sick with cancer for 11 months and I told my "friends", they were shocked. Most of them didn't even know he had cancer - and he lived 4 miles from me and I was one of his primary caretakers. That's how closed off I was.

I didn't go from that to having a big support system overnight...it took time, and I made mistakes, and I chose the wrong people, and I got hurt, and I tried again. It helped to have T there supporting me while I found my way through it.

When I finally got really serious about it, I invited some "friends" over for a knitting circle (could be a book club or whatever) and it wasn't that comfortable at first, but now, a few years later, those people are my closest friends in the world. I had to risk gradually being open with them, and as I became more open with them, they opened up to me.

When I lost T recently, I realized what a really strong and good support system I do have, and I'm super amazed and super grateful. It's kind of ironic that T gave me the courage to build that support system, and then that ended up being just what I needed when I was terminated.

Allow yourself to take it slowly, and accept that you will make mistakes along the way. It honestly took me years of learning to accept support and caring from my T before I was ready to transfer those skills to the real world...and that's okay. It takes as long as it takes.

PC is really good practice too. It's safe, and a good place to see what it feels like to reach out for help, or to help someone else. PC was another big piece of the "how does all of this connection stuff work?" puzzle for me.

I'm glad you reached out here.