Hi I'm new here and looking for some insight. I recently broke it off with someone after a two year realtionship. We lived together for the last 10 months. I have been divorced so I know break ups are difficult but this one is just harder than I imagined. I took alot of time after my divorce to raise my son and only dated during that time. This was the first serious realtionship I had in about 8-10 years and I'm now questioning my judgment when it comes to men and people in general. I had always thought I was a good judge of character but it turns out that may not be true.

Anyway, I started seeing this guy while he was separated and going through a divorce. Kept it just dating and casual for awhile and eventually feel in love. There were plenty of red flags, in hindsight, but he always assured me he was ready and I believed him. At a few points, I tried to back off and he basically told me that he would not "just date"......it had to be exclusive and a realtionship. We had plenty of disagreements but always seemed to stay together. He told me quite a bit of personal things at the very beginning which always stuck in my head. One thing he shared was about a woman he considered "just a friend"......but referred to her as desparate. He told me she was also going through a divorce, had cheated on her husband, was a drunk, and would have sex with him if he wanted......he also said he didn't want to. Not exactly the kind of woman I would consider a good source of advice or want around my man. When my realtionship with him became exclusive and we decided to be committed, I told him I no longer felt comfortable with him and this woman remaining friends. We had this conversation after a specific incident with her occurred. He had left my house on a Sunday morning telling me he had a lot to do at home that day. Later that evening he called me to tell me he had gone to a party to pick up this woman "friend" because she called him for a ride and was drunk. Not only did he go to get her......he stayed at the party and had some beers before driving her to my house to meet me. I'm still not sure what he was thinking but when he got here and told me all this, he included the fact that this woman was also hitting on him. She was in his car and too drunk to get out.....she was also on her phone and screaming obsceneties at someone....I think her husband/exhusband. I am not the jealous type but this realtionship was not appropriate and gave me a bad feeling in my gut. After this incident I told him how uncomfortable his relationship with her made me feel and that I thought it was inappropriate to continue. He agreed and told me he would end it. All of this happened very early on in our relationship.

We continuted our relationship with normal ups and downs and then this past September we got into a huge fight and broke up. This is when I saw his phone records. He had been calling her all along and hiding it from me. Right before we broke up he had called her five times a day for the entire week......even sneaking out of my house to call. Also he texted her one night for 8 hours straight. Of course he insisted he did nothing wrong and she was "just a friend".....he always had a sneakiness to him. He wore me down and fought with me and swore he did not cheat and made me feel crazy for thinking the way I did. I'm not sure how I let him manipulate the situation into being my fault for not trusting him but he did. I took him back but nothing felt right to me after that......the intimacy was gone as well as the trust. I couldn't look at him the same and somehow he had me believing it was "my" problem and insecurities that were to blame......not his betrayal. No matter what I said..he could not admit that the lying and hiding and sneaking were what constituted the betrayal..even if nothing inappropriate happened. (which I don't believe anyway). I could never wrap my head around nothing inappropriate going on with the obscene amount of contact they were having. Almost 700 minutes in less than a month and that didn't include texting.

My fault was taking him back after that......I guess love really is blind because I thought I could get past it. The problem is he wanted me to get over it immediately and drop it. I couldn't so I kept so much anger bottled up inside that it finally just exploded about three weeks ago in a brutal fight that actually got physical. I finally snapped and kicked him out. He claims it came out of nowhere and he is once again the innocent victim. I feel horrible that it ended the way it did and am having an extremely hard time with it. I've lost my self respect for believing him and taking him back and now I doubt everything about everything.

I have never felt this hurt and confused and stupid!! I am glad we are over since I realize he never respected me or my feelings but I just feel so used and betrayed. I know I could never be with a man that would bring out such anger in me I'm just not sure how to move forward and looking for advice and help...........

Sorry this is so long but I needed to include important details......