Are you saying you have chosen to be unlovable or that you think that is how you are seen? I've read the encouragement, kind words and supportive words you've given others and that my dear does not come from one who is unlovable.

The warped mindedness(only word I can think of right now) of these two men is not your fault. I does not matter how loveable you or any other woman would've been or will be, when a man has those kind of flaws they are going to exhibit them.

Of course you miss the "good him". It is the love in you loving being loved that causes you to miss "the good him".

I can't speak for you but I've got a lot of love to give and I miss being able to share it with someone who truly loves me and treats me the way my heart aches for. I can go for periods and not feel that longing but it always resurfaces.

Honestly, it is in that resurface time that I realize my heart that I had to allow to be turn to stone can be revived and that there IS hope for
me to be loved as I want to be loved.

You are lovable.