I didn't realize I wasn't specific enough.

I'm autistic - passive subtype. So I'm incredibly passive, have always been. I do not understand how to initiate things. I can interact with people when they initiate things, but I do not know how to initiate, and do not think to initiate.

Along with this, I also am very much "follow the rules", this includes "do not do anything that can possibly hurt others", to the point where I will not act if it could hurt someone else unless I know that not acting will at which point I can get into such a mental overload by not knowing what to do that I will likely do something to not hurt them but lose functioning in the process.

I've been trying to learn to put myself first sometimes but its unnatural to me. It's something I'm getting better at though.

I was living in a situation where people were completely ignoring my mental health and were doing things that were bad for it. I was having people explicitly worrying about the mental health of others around me at the expense of mine, while telling me how much they cared about me and what they were doing for me. I had people forgetting about my existence to the point where I missed multiple meals in a row when people had promised to help me get food, had people telling me how I was hurting people in ways that I wasn't (because they were accusing me of doing things I never did from false memories while denying things that others were doing to me), and generally it was a terrible situation.

I needed to get out, and I was breaking badly.

We knew it was a bad situation for me, the goal was to get an apartment as soon as we could that would get rid of that situation.

Instead, I broke. I couldn't take it all. All of my autistic symptoms were getting worse. All of my depression symptoms were getting worse. I snapped.

And I was called abusive for having a meltdown (verbal only), when I'm autistic. And have meltdowns. And when people know I'm autistic.

The accusation of being abusive, even though I know its false, has completely shut me down. I'm not functioning at all.

And then what happened after - it was thing after thing of being told one thing while the people who were planning it had other information. I was majorly manipulated by the person who called me abusive. If I had gotten accurate information everything would have happened completely different, and they know that, so instead they lied to me and manipulated me until they had me vulnerable enough to agree to what they wanted.

And this is someone who is saying that I'm abusive because of being autistic and having meltdowns after having been treated like scum for months while putting far more effort into daily life than most people realize, including anyone who I interact with on any sort of regular basis.