Thanks to all,

Yes, I probably do "should" myself to death. It seems so easy to do when I was able to do so much in my past, & look at how much I can't seem to do now. It is hard not to should myself. You are definitely right about it not being ok to do.

Yes, Tomi, I had to laugh at your baby image. Maybe it is their anxiety attacks that are actually the contractions.....lol. I agree with you....it is definitely going to be a rebirth for me.

For me, I kind of relate going through life like when I have had to have a surgery. It is something I don't want to go through & even on the way to the hospital, I am saying turn around & go home....I don't want to go through this. Knowing that turning around & not going through it isn't even an option & it is something that just has to happen. I just shut off my mind & time just takes me through it (whether I want to or not). Soon it is over....& there is pain & healing that is left to go through but it has never killed me. The hard part is living through it & the pain of healing, but as time passes, so does that.

This is something I know inside. It is just hard to talk myself through, let along convince myself that it isn't going to kill me. I guess that is where my psychologist comes in, working on convincing me that I will get through it & come out alive on the other side. The only thing that bothers me is that living through the psychological issues takes a lot longer period of time than just a surgery. I am sure that looking back at life, years will seem like an instant, but until that time, handling the anxiety takes alot of help & work.

Debbie