First, you don't have to take my word on anything I say. You are allowed to call it whatever you want, because it is your life, your body, and your experiences. But you've asked for help, and this is mine I'm offering. This first incident you described is not rape or assault. Sometimes people feel pressured, but if you did not somehow let the other person know you didn't enjoy/want it, then there is no basis for proving it was rape/assault of any kind. A lot of people, especially young women and teenagers have horrible experiences with their first few times having sex, because of the pressure. But as we get older, we get more experienced and can learn from our mistakes. It can still be painful and devastating to have such a traumatic sexual experience, so don't get me wrong- it can still be hurtful for you to think of these things. I'm just saying I personally do not call that rape or assault.

This is a gray area story. It is up to you whether or not you want to call this assault. You never said yes, but you don't mention saying no either. It's not something you planned on happening, but as time goes on, you will learn what you want your boundaries to be, and how to voice them.

This is along the lines of the last story. You don't mention anything about letting him know that's where your boundaries are. I can't claim this one either. It can be traumatic still, no matter what it is called, so you are entitled to feel however you do about it. It was truly a negative experience, and hopefully you can start thinking about what can be done differently to stay out of those negative situations. I'm not saying what he did was your fault, please don't take it that way! There are ways of prevention, sometimes, and when we clearly set our boundaries and voice them, we can sometimes avoid those negative experiences.

I would say the same about this one as the last couple ones.

This one's entirely different, and I'm glad you can see that it is clear about what he did, HOWEVER- Being drunk is NEVER an excuse for doing anything! If he can't get his ***** together when he's drunk, he should not be drinking in the first place! Please do not give this man a "pass." You clearly said no, by your body language. That's what I would call rape, because it is penetration with his body (fingers).

I consider this rape. You said no, he kept going. It doesn't matter how long he kept going afterwards, if it were 10 seconds or half an hour- if someone says no- you stop right away, or as quickly as possible. My rape was like this. I told him no, and he did me for maybe 10 - 15 seconds. That is rape. You communicated it very well, and he is the one in fault for being too drunk to do the right thing and stop. Remember- being drunk is NO excuse.

I'm kind of getting a pattern here, where drugs and drinking are involved. Maybe if he takes ambien that night, he should abide by a rule that states there should be no sex. I do know the effects of ambien, and that it can really cause inhibition and loss of thinking clearly (used to be on it, it makes me suicidal), so if this is his reaction to ambien, he needs to be off of it. Maybe you can somehow tell his doctor this, but it's serious. Ambien is a serious drug that needs to be taken seriously. But the fact that he pushed you into doing it, however you did not mention saying no, you DID say no with body language. If you wanted it, he would not have had to push you into doing it. You are NOT a rapist because of this.

It might make you feel weird, but perhaps if you don't recall this too much, it might not be worth it to try to remember more of it, unless it is really affecting you. Then you need to talk about this rape too. Yes, it's a rape.

I think you really need to talk to a therapist about these incidents, and talk through how these negative experiences really are affecting you and your decision making today. You've described some very classic rape scenes, because they are the most common. The ones where the girl says no but it feels as though she has to just kind of "put up" with it, because of the pressure. Then she never mentions it, because she feels guilty for not doing more to stop it. This happens far too often, and I believe it is why not many people get help for their rape or assault experiences. Also, as I mentioned before, and with the help of a therapist, I hope you can come up with a plan of action and set boundaries with what you will and will absolutely not allow in a sexual encounter. That way, you can be prepared for such encounters in the future and possibly save yourself from more negative experiences. (this doesnt mean it's your fault, it just means that sometimes it can be avoided if we have the right skills to assess the situation. It's a tricky line between what we can and cannot control) Hope this clears anything up for you.