I have a drug addiction, many BPD and paranoid traits, bipolar and a very chronic depression. I'm trying to cut back on the weed and the alcohol, turns out drinking and smoking every day for years is a bad idea. However, yesterday I had a disencouraging thought.

Why should I want to stop? I know I have to, at least make a real effort and a maybe a white lie or two, because they won't treat me for my real issues if I don't (they'll send be to rehab, and that won't help any more this time around), but why should I actually want to stop numbing all the **** down and release myself from this hazy, forgetful existence? There's nothing to look forward to. Is there? My depression and my diagnonsense do not stem from my addiction. Won't it just get worse, really, when I start to remember all the crap again and actually care about it? Anyone else with long term or recurrent depression who have experiences to share with me?