i completely understand. im in the same exact situation. few memories but a lot of things point to that something happened. i get really hung up on needing to remember exactly.....especially since all these things point to my dad. is your bf supportive? i wish i had something super helpful to say besides "i know exactly where you're at". Hang in there and trust your gut feeling. My T is a trauma T and she says we can repress things that are too much to handle at the time but they will resurface later when we are able to deal with them. Listen to your body. Its telling you these things for a reason.