Well... I've worked 3 days now. It's concession stands for a baseball park. I can't decide if the erratic schedule is good or bad... I guess it's bad any way it's put, like life. I've been out so much the last few days, but I feel really empty anyway, and tired. No more games for 2 weeks, so no chances to work in that time. But I don't know that I care. It's all so pointless, and suicide's basically constantly on my mind, I've been carrying this disturbing death instrument around in my backpack for a couple weeks now, but it's probably more disturbing that I don't find it disturbing. I want to give in, and take action. What's crazy is things are kinda better right now. I got a job, and I've been having the chance to hang out with people lately. Nobody would understand. But it's still so pointless, and I feel so trapped, boxed-in to this useless existence.