Well, depression can be from "anxiety" too adam. It is not unusual for it to begin in the teen years either because of the massive change in hormones all through the teen years. But the teen years also bring on that feeling of "lack of control or knowing of future and question of worthiness".

What helps depression is having a sense of "control" over something and having a rythum that feels predictable and secure. It sounds like you developed a pattern where you would get to a level where you felt balanced and in control and then you would look to "question" that sense of balance, which most teens do, and you would get anxious and stressed which tires out the brain where it can get depressed and want time outs.

It sounds like you are not quite "self aware" enough to know your self talk or thinking patterns where you feed into "stressing" which basically tires the brain and the body out. Men don't always understand "stress" adam, men want to have a sense of "control" and they tend to push hard and then struggle to find a way to "release" pent up frustrations. It is not unusual for men to "struggle to relax" adam, so they can go along hard and then need to "crash" for a time.

My husband handled this with binge drinking and he became a binge alcoholic. He didn't realize the trap he was in. He learned about it through going to AA and there he learned how to slow down, better ways to handle stress and look at life, and not turn to alcohol. There are some people that go to those meetings, not because they have an alcohol problem, but, because they stress and don't know how to relax into life.

People tend to think that "depression" is something that "controls" them and gets them down, however, often they themselves have developed "thinking patterns" and ways they build up stress that "tax the brain" which presents that desire to slow down and let go so the brain can regenerate. Often what happens too is that because we can get trapped in this cycle, it can be hard to find "happiness". "I love someone, want to know someone loves me and I need to make them "happy" somehow and that is the "closest" to me being happy too".

So, often what happens is this constant need to "manage life" and no way of developing the skill of "sitting back and enjoying some life". What you know of yourself is more that you have somehow unknowingly appointed yourself as a full time "manager" that only works, pays bills, and is responsible for the happiness of "others". And honestly, this happens to alot of people because in school, especially high school, learning is something that "has to be done" and there is always alot of "pressure" to make the grade as well as have some kind of overall acceptance with groups of other students. Unfortunately many students learn how to become "depressed" in school instead of how "knowledge" brings a sense of "empowerment" and "fulfillment".

A young man, didn't let himself get trapped in that. He liked to learn and was drawn to electronics, and he also had a friend that was interested in it too. So he spent alot of time tinkering and exploring and "learning with a passion". He kept at it and his mind had some interesting "ideas" and instead of being in the system that sought to control that, he chose to take that control himself. He didn't even go to college, instead he clung to his own thirst to create and learn and think and discover. That boy was Bill Gates.

A lot of people get into the "work of learning and having to do things in what is "expected"". And all of them get to an age where they may have managed, but didn't really ever find "happiness" or true fulfillment. They sometimes kick back and begin to "learn because it is more interesting, not pushed at them, but just interesting". Then that period comes where they begin to say, "If I only knew then what I know now".

There is a difference between thought patterns of "have to, have to, have to" and "I want to, like to, try to and explore and see and take pleasure".

Something to think about adam

Open Eyes