I'm not sure I can give you the clarity you seek, but I would recommend counseling for these issues simply because of your tendency to dissociate during sexual experiences and because you seem to somehow set yourself up to be used sexually. I feel like you may really have some underlying issues that need to be treated so that you can respect yourself to say no when you mean no. You mentioned childhood abuse, could that have led you to feel that you or your body deserve to be punished in some way so you freeze up and allow whatever unwanted actions?

Please take care and try to be open with your financee with his feelings and take time to listen to each other. You both need a strong shoulder to lean on.