It seems like there are two issues here, and the first is why you won't take the healthy step of protecting your money from your husband's reckless spending.

I don't know why you have to see this as a situation where you are doing something "against" him, as opposed to you are doing something for yourself and for your sons. Perhaps MKAC's suggestion to open a new account is more in line with this perspective, and this is why you are doing it.

But taking a step to keep yourself and your children emotionally and financially safe is not AGAINST him. It is FOR you and your family. It is even for your husband, to protect him from himself. It is not as if you are putting a bullet in his head or kicking him out of the house. It is like taking away the lighter he keeps using to set your house on fire.

The second issue is that I would definitely be upset at my T telling me that he might not be able to work with me anymore. But every professional has their limits and if he can't work with you effectively, ethics suggests that he shouldn't.