Thanks for your reply. Who is my T that you mentioned? I am no longer struggling about this, however, maybe the first time it happened but, as I said in my post, I'm done. I have too many other problems/concerns in my life right now to waste any more time worrying about this. That seems harsh for a mother, but I've done everything I know to do and I have to distance myself for self-preservation.

It would be extremely helpful to me, however, to have a label for her behavior--if not narcissistic, at least a "personality disorder" for the following reasons: (1) I would know that this is not in any way my fault and there's no need to feel guilty for the way I raised her, especially since her siblings are nothing like her (but her father was); (2) It would open discussion with my other children about her "disorder" and how we should treat it as such instead of being angry; (3) If it is a disorder, it's not completely her fault either, but just the way she is, and we should feel compassion rather than anger (while keeping our distance); and (4) She probably treats others in her life as badly as she does me; knowing I'm not her only victim is some consolation, and the only way she would seek help would be if the others balked at her manipulation.

If this is a disorder, she might not even be aware of how her behavior affects others and that she's not the only one who feels hurt. It would help her siblings and me try to understand and feel some compassion.