Precious -
Anyone who has ever taken the step towards recovery has been exactly where you are. It feels like someone is asking you to climb a sheer vertical cliff, with no ropes, no practice and no upper body strength and then, if you manage to do that, you find you have to jump off!

BUT. If you do make that leap of faith and have a good counselor, maybe a support group or two and you begin to challenge what ED is saying, Life is just so much better.

I was severly bulimic for more than 30 years, so I understand the fear of doing what you need to do to get better, but the pleasure I have now is so much more rewarding than the fake pleasure I had through calorie counting, restricting, bingeing, purging, avoiding, isolating, hurting...

Get your resources lined up - if that's inpatient or a partial hospitalization program or an outpatient therapist or Celebrate Recovery or an intensive outpatient program. Then commit yourself to working the program and learning to live a honest, joyful and fulfilling life.

It's out there for the taking.

I wish you love and health
Bub