It's not just that he's not supporting me or making the passing of my mom difficult to deal with, it is that he is using her death as just another ploy to manipulate me.

I spent a lot of time with him before and after her death, only because I had to. The time I spend with him is really toxic. He wants to keep dragging it out, he keeps wanting to get together to make arrangements for a memorial for her. For two years now he has been stringing this along. And anytime I would try to talk to him about it, he wouldn't talk to me about it, he just wanted to schedule a time to get together to talk about it. It's like the emotional hell equivalent of it being lost in committee. I wouldn't be so cynical except for he is using the same lies and tactics to as he always has to manipulate me and other people. It is kind of shocking to me that he is now using her death to "work on me" more. It is not that I don't believe he misses my mother in any way, just that he must think that her death was the ultimate sign to get back together with me or something. He lies about talking to the officials to set up a burial in the cemetery. I don't know if this is true but I really highly suspect that the whole fact that the ashes ended up with me was part of his manipulation too. When her ashes were ready (he had donated her body to study, they use it for a year and then creamate and return the ashes) they couldn't get hold of him so they tracked me down and sent them to me. He has caller ID and I know that he selectively avoids calls to make people worry about him. It is all pretty disgusting. That's one reason I stopped calling him a long time ago, so then he started avoiding other people's calls and subtly steering them to contact me to go there to see if he was OK.

Once again ramblemania for me. I'm just trying to get through this, and to be honest right now I'm really just focusing on my joint pain and my doc appt this week. It's good to have this place to come and vent the "overflow"

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