Jelly-bean, I'm so sorry you've lost the love of your life. You will make it through this terribly rough, painful time. Allow yourself to feel the numbness and anger and sadness and every feeling that comes your way. Cry. Exercise in some way. Paint your feelings. Scream. When you feel like it talk to someone. There is no one right way to grieve. Sleeplessness is a common symptom. Grieving is a skill. By allowing yourself to feel, be and think. Eventually you'll figure out how to go on and what makes sense to you. It will come but in its own time. If you want to pm me, please feel free.