I wonder if we're done? How do I let go of the things you said, the way you spoke to me and the things you forgot?

Often I feel stronger after all that has happened. It's not a good sort of strong though. It's strong like I was as a child. Strong because I have to be because I am alone. Strong because I can function but not fix the big hurts.

I think I needed you to love me back, but I understand that you don't. It's excruciatingly shameful to feel this way. I've never felt this sort of connection with anyone before and I'm so sad that I feel this way in relation to you.

I felt like all this stuff was something to work through. I needed to share it before I could move forwards with my life and you're the first person I've shared it with. But our relationship was no more safe that any other. It's about the least safe really, because of the boundaries that mean I'll only have you while you work with me and we've been in danger of losing that lately.

Perhaps you're back now. It's quite likely. I guess I'll just sit with the silence for a while longer. I liked it when you used to do the right thing by me.

I don't think I need people. I think I can stand strong on my own. Maybe I can use what you've taught me to be functional in life. I just won't bother with relationships. They are too painful for me because I've needed so much from them and it's just not possible. I missed out and that's just something I'll accept.

It's so excruciatingly shameful to sit and talk to someone in a professional relationship about how much they mean to you when it's not returned.

There's no way whatsoever that this stuff can be sorted out in 50 minute weekly time slots. It's far, far too serious for that.

I am beyond help.