Oh my goodness, how can anyone bear such a huge bunch of burdens without help?! By all means, please DO get professional help. Go tomorrow. You need and deserve support, treatment and care. There are ways to get help at very reasonable prices. The accessibility varies from place to place and it will likely take some help to *get* to the help you need. But please do whatever you can to make that happen.

I am so sorry for your suffering. My thoughts are with you tonight.