Hey.

Wassup havent written a thread in a but... But for the love of God i need help.

Also just quickly imma apologise for my terrible spelling... Im on my phone lol

So... My troubles... Escelated.... When my therapist uncovered a hidden memory from my past. At this point in time, only myself and my psychologist know what happened and i think for now thats how i want it to stay.

Since this memory/memories surfaced its triggered me immensly...to the point where im not sure what to do. Im having trouble eating.... I ten to immediately throw up. I feel sick almost 24hrs a day. My self harm tendancies have escelated in frequency and seriousness. I have constant headaches which sometimes can be so bad i cant move or see. The violent images that flow through my mind are more intense. (ill just point out im not violent 99.9% of the time. It takes alot to get me to lash out). I get dizzy. I have frequent flashbacks. i feel completely out of control. Im exhausted all the time. I see scary things... Such as an army of spiders crawling all over me. I feel the badness within is spreading. The voices in my head are louder. One in particular is very sinister. He wants me to do bad things. Not to other people just myself. I cant sit still im always twitching or figiting... On high alert looking around the room constantly. Feels like someone is watching my every move. When my psychologist tries to talk about the memory... That one sinister voice gets really mad. Both at her and me. Last session when we got onto that topic... The voice scared the bejesus out of me. The voice forced me to hurt myself in front of my psychologist. Nothing to drastic just tightened all my bracelts to the point where blood circulation was cut off. But at the time i was doing it i was not completely there. Like i couldnt control it.

As you can probably tell im pretty scared at the moment. The line between real life and past memories is becoming blurred. Im not to sure what to do.

Does anyone have any advice? Like... How to stop freaking out. How to feel safer. How to be able to eat. The sick thing. The flashbacks thing.

I dont care any advice in this point would be good.

Peace out for now