MdngtRain, i think that it would be a good idea to share these things with your T. i don't think he'll be upset with you. he'll be able to help you better if he has the whole picture. can you tell him that having you sign a contract is not helping you?

as for not telling your wife, i see why you don't want her to know. maybe you could tell her how down you've been feeling and needing to feel supported. you don't have to tell that you cut, but could you talk to her about the feelings that lead up to the si?

thanks for posting this, you hit the nail on the head on this one. i can really relate to many of the things you said. i wish cutting wasn't such a viable option to "fix" things.

hugs and you are NOT alone. stay strong!

--Sam