I think that feelings are something that we cannot control. I give you credit for telling us about your experience. I want you to not feel guilt about the kissing part. This is about you and your needs or needs that you had. Your H is unable to kiss you like a woman does. Its just not the same. I too have done the same thing as you. But I dont feel guilty about it. I just needed to experience that and I know that I needed it. My H could not fulfill that need. I too did not tell him as this would only hurt him. but I dont feel guilty. I needed to experience that. I hope this helps.