hi andre. there is a better life for you if you stop drinking. did you know alcohol is a depressant? i drank to self medicate too so i could numb my feelings and depression. i saw no way out but to keep drinking. but i learned the skills to cope with my pain after i stopped drinking. i'm bipolar too. when it got bad enough i began seeing a therapist who specialized in addictions. i also went to AA. the combo really helped me learn to stop. both gave me hope that my life could be better not drinking. you can do this too. you may not be an alcoholic yet. you can break the chains that control you right now. you wouldn't have posted imho unless you were concerned. we are here to support you. you'll not forfeit anything if you try to get sober with help. i encourage you to consider that option. the drinking will only get worse otherwise.