So, the last couple of sessions have been "deep" with me and T. Talking a lot about emotions, feelings, intimacy, etc. Yesterday, at one point, T moved to the end of his seat, leaned in forward, towards me. The closest he has ever been to me in therapy. And really, it wasn't that close. He sits across from me, not too close, but not too far away. I think that, probably if we both sat back and let our legs stretch out our feet would touch.

Anyways, internally.. I was freaking out, I automatically felt uncomfortable. I sat up straight, got as far back as possible in my chair. T eventually changed his postion..

The situation got me thinking...

I can't have both. I can't let people in a emotionally intimate way and have people be close in a physical way. I think that is a lot of my issues, with me and my H. I am physically intimate with him, so I have hard time really sharing sharing my heart with him. The same goes for T in a sense. Not that I plan on being physical with him in anyways. However, b/c of the stuff I shared with him, probably him sitting next to me, or us hugging, could not happen.

Just wanted to share.